Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1: Fun with Harry and friends

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Alright I have to admit the title of this post is a little on the misleading side. Firstly this film is most definitely not fun or particularly enjoyable for the most part, I wouldn't go so far as to say it was "The Road" with wands but it was only a few house elf deaths away. And secondly the "friends" part isn't entirely true as it seems everything with a pulse and a wand wants nothing more than to beat 7 shades of wizarding shit out of Harry and then feed him his glasses.

Both were trying their hardest not to mention the dandruff

So it's rapidly established in the opening seen in which a brutalized teacher is fed to a giant serpent by the pasty faced Lord Voldemort that this is by far the darkest Harry Potter film yet. However this being the darkest Potter adventure yet it manages to appeal to a wider and more mature age bracket subsequently satisfying a larger audience whilst managing to entertain pre-teens, but whilst Harry may never mainline heroine into his eye balls I wouldn't recommend this to your toddler. Deathly Hallows is also one of the best Potter films so far, now thats not setting the bar too high we all remember the steaming pile of goblin shit that was the previous film. Its director (David Yates) has improved massively from his previous magical endeavor, making for a visually compelling and at times genuinely breathtaking film, taking advantage of the army of helicopters at his disposal. The huge sweeping nature shots and gorgeous landscape filming is a geography teachers wet dream. The relationship between the three friends is also delicately developed and there personalities seem to stretch beyond their previously allotted stereotypes of no it all nerd, incompetent ginger funny man and that weird kid with glasses. Harry and Hermione's friendship is further developed in a brilliant, emotionally fragile dance sequence which is as touching as it is cringey. The group is also now more ridden with teenage angst than a particularly emotional episode of "One Tree Hill" and you'd need a magically enhanced chainsaw to cut the overwhelming sexual tension between Ron and Hermione. Despite the relationships of the foremost three protagonists being handled so effectively nearly the entire supporting cast of characters are either given an occasional token line or totally forgotten.

Garlic Bread had been a short sighted lunch choice 

The chemistry between Harry and Ginny is similar to that of two chairs stacked on top of each other and the acting for the most part remains monotonely(it's a word!) dreadful with various lines being delivered with all the emotion and charisma of a tiger woods apology conference. However despite the dismal acting on some parts others are still terrifyingly brilliant, for instance Ralph Fiennes remains spine chillingly frightening as "he who shall not be named" although I maintain he would be as creepy without the Michael Jackson treatment. Dobby is still perfectly realized and will as usual either have you wanting to give him a cuddle or reaching for something heavy to throw at the screen.
However even with the occasional fun filled appearance of Dobby and Voldemort and the brilliant location shooting the hugely unnecessary running time of over 2 and a half hours took its emotional toll. Especially as the story can drag on like a determined marathon runner who's legs have fallen asleep and in order to fully appreciate the vast quantity of Harry Potter in jokes you'd have to have acquired an either encyclopedic knowledge of everything Potter or have aggressively revised the last 6 books the night before.
Although despite feeling soul crushingly bored and confused in places, like a disoriented puppy with a short attention span, I had gotten my Harry Potter fix for the day and I'm looking forward to the final adventure of everyones favorite four eyed rascal.

6 out of 10 It's magic... sort of.

Law Abiding Citizen: Poor Misguided Shitizen

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Ok first and foremost "Law Abiding Citizen" is an incredibly morbid and deranged train wreck of a movie, and most definitely not on screen fun for the whole family. It's predominantly a crime, thriller with a large helping of gore and dismemberment thrown in to lighten up the proceedings.
Rapidly transitioning from the heart warming scenes of ultra-violent rape/child murder(not simultaneously thank God!) to the delightful sequence of  the adorable Gerard Butler brutally torturing his family's killer to death in his own lakeside workshop, striking an uncanny resemblance to Jigsaw's holiday home.
Genuinely the opening scene couldn't have broken more taboos or been more messed up unless a puppy had been shot in the face and then used as a football. It manages to go from aaaaw isn't she cute to, OH MY GOD that doesn't go there!? within a matter of seconds, which when you think about it is quite impressive, and the worst part is you don't even care.

In his defense the bracelet was very interesting.

The opening scene is so incredibly short that the character development of the wife and child is non-existent and the audience have no time to become emotionally invested in these protagonists or begin to care about their impending fate. All you know, is the little girl is cute, the wife is... um... a woman and Gerard Butler our hero seems like a vaguely likable bloke, that is, moments before he's, abruptly, hit in the face with a baseball and his entire life and soul is raped and murdered before his very eyes.
So a delightful opening to progressively more light hearted film.
And the characterization sadly doesn't improve from there, with not a single likable protagonist emerging, each failing to inspire an ounce of sympathy from the already emotionally cold audience.
Jamie Foxx is the slimy lawyer bastard, Gerard Butler is the depressed, grieving bastard who quickly transforms into the psychotic murdering bastard and the remaining characters are lifeless filters whose sole functions are to fill out the ranks of fodder characters and spout lines of pointless throw away dialogue, oh and did I mention they were bastards.
Foxx's character alienates the entire audience with his less than ethical actions within the first five minutes making Butler's character the sole relatable protagonist.  However as Butler's protagonist swiftly descends further and further into a vengeful, psychotic rage, in which he brutally murders anyone who didn't so much as open the door for him, all original sympathy for his protagonist's heart wrenching predicament rapidly deteriorates, the last of it vanishing in a particularly gory scene involving a "spork", a gourmet meal and his cell mates face, I'll leave the wrest to your imagination.

They could take his freedom but they could never take his smile.

Sadly the direction and script are disjointed, confused and uninspired, the dialogue conveying the sense that it was the product of a marathon brainstorming session by a group of crime movie addict teenagers who are desperately going for shock value over substance.

And sadder still it's as boring as an all day old folks bingo session where the only prizes are a pat on the head and another round of bingo. Who'd have thought that a cat and mouse crime thriller, with extra gore, in which the mouse constantly mind fucks the cat could be so soul crushingly dull.
The vaguely searching ethical questions asked, and not followed through, by the various characters only help to emphasize the extent of the douchebaggery undertaken by the main protagonists and remind you of how much you already dislike each one of them in the first place.
The final scenes and death sequences steadily escalate in violence and lack of realism, with each attack becoming progressively more ludicrous than the last, until the only way for the final death to up the scale of ridiculousness would be to have Jamie Foxx beaten to death by a clown with a giant cheese string.
Ultimately "Law Abiding Citizen" is a generic and pedestrian crime thriller, devoid of personality and originality, and one who's case file you wont want to be opening any time soon.

2/10 stars  The "Law Abiding Citizen" deserves life!

The Town: I'll See You Again this side or the Other

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As you can see I've decided to take a short break from my Quentin Tarantino blogging marathon to review The Town, a movie that almost every American critic has seen and reviewed already due to the fact that films arrive a good decade later in the UK than they do in the US, but I digress...

THIS MOVIE IS INCREDIBLE! It's easily one of the best action movies of 2010 and possibly the best heist movie since Michaels Mann's balls to the wall cop thriller "Heat", with which it shares more than a few plot details.
The movie opens with a spectacular, ear drum shattering bang and WHAT-A-BANG. From the brutally fast paced opening sequence featuring a brilliantly directed and seemingly realistic bank robbery, in which Affleck has evidently invested a great deal of research. The break neck speed never lets up, except for breif moments of delicate character development and sentimental dialogue, which are brilliantly handled and perfectly balanced by the way.
Those who thought that "Gone Baby Gone" was some kind of one off, beautiful accident, like the night you accidentally walked into your friends mothers bedroom, will have to eat there bitter words. Who'd have thought that the man who brought us the hideous (I just threw up a little) Gigli and reindeer games could have created and starred in a film as entertaining and genuinely thrilling as The Town.

Mittens was coming down from the tree... one way or the other

The Town is set in Charlestown, Boston and contains a variety of set pieces so exciting that half way through the final shoot out I was surprised my heart didn't burst out of my ribcage and start frantically tap dancing on the seat in front.
The second heist in which there is a frantic, tire screeching car chase through the narrow back streets of Charlestown, is a five minute long cinematic laxative. The chase is so tense that after several minutes of frantic chewing I was surprised I had any hands left let alone finger nails. Affleck uses "Bourne" style shakycam shots, where the camera is so unstable the cameraman must've been a spontaneous tap dancer in desperate need of a wee, and various helicopter shots to give a sense of the claustrophobia and tension of the robbers desperate situation whilst never forgetting the geography of the chase.
However none of the action would truly be as gripping, the shoot outs as heart wrenchingly tense if it weren't for the glorious performances by the entire ensemble drawing the audience in like a brightly coloured sweet shop draws in a fat kid with ADH.
Ben Affleck has recovered from the horrible, HORRIBLE performances of recent years to deliver a great piece of acting, taking on the role of onscreen emotional anchor, aaah pretentiousness is fun, and making his character, Doug Mcreel, sympathetic and easily one of the more likable protagonists amongst the assortment of psycho's and general bastards clamouring for screen time.
Rebecca Hall is an utter joy to watch, playing the emotionally fragile bank manager who unwittingly ends up in a relationship with one of the lovely men who recently robbed her bank and emotionally traumatised her.
Blake Lively is good as the grimy, overly used and abused prostitute who just wants a better life for her daughter... oh god I think I'm tearing up.

Worst... Stag Night... Ever.

Jon Hamm, Mad Men's Don Draper, perfectly plays the slimy and oh-so unsympathetic Detective, desperately trying to catch and convict Doug Macreel (Ben Affleck) and his bank robbing posse.
Mention should also go to Pete Postlethwaite as the ambiguously accented and repulsively creepy florist.
However for me the true show kidnapping performance was Hurt Locker's Jeremy Renner as the trigger happy best friend of Doug Macreel who's movie you some how can predict from the moment he opens his mouth. Renner is a psychotic, time bomb and a cinematic "gem"(movie in joke). He not only makes you despise and fear his character but towards the end he also encourages the audience to sympathise with him.
However the film isn't perfect. The story's cliched and the father character is under used whilst the helicopter shots of Charlestown depict it as a pleasant and quaint neighbourhood rather than the Boston version of Bagdad that Affleck has been trying so hard to portray.
The ending is also painfully sentimental and a little contrived but really now I'm just unnecessarily nit picking through the luscious hair(yes I know that was gay) of one of the best films of the year.
Affleck has not only redeemed himself of his previous atrocities but also established himself as a talented actor and all round director. Suffice to say I can't wait for his next film.

A message, a moral and kick-ass car chase what more could you want
8/10 stars

Across 110th Street

Bobby Womack's Motown-tastic banger combined with Tarantino's stylish tracking shot opening makes for one hell of a character intro. Succinct yet sublime, well played T-dog.

Jackie Brown: QT try's something new

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Jackie Brown, the painfully stylish, third film from Quentin Tarantino follows the story of a failed flight hostess, a forlorn bail bondsman, a charismatic and fowl mouthed arms dealer and a variety of other more forgettable characters in pursuit of half a million dollars.
Jackie Brown breaks the usual QT mould by doing a number of things differently to it's two predecessors. It is an adaption of the novel "Rum Punch" as apposed to being the normal 100% biological, brain baby of QT, it has a structured storyline as apposed to the usual sporadic collection of intersecting episodes associated with Tarantino's movies. It contains an array of widely recognised and praised actors. Its typically over stuffed like a compulsive eater consuming not only the complimentary diner mint but also the tray that came with it, doesn't make a huge amount of sense, similar to my last metaphor, and most noticeably of all, as the ending credits roll up, doesn't nearly approach the frenetic quality of his previous two movies.

The anniversary had lost some of it's romance

Tarantino evidently isn't quite used to making conventional cinema. Watching him attempt to create an inherently normal film from source material that wasn't born, kicking and screaming, from his own hyperactive "brain womb" is like watching Bambi trying to surf. And when he trys to incorporate character development and the complex, central narrative into the mix it's similar to seeing a quadriplegic try to juggle. It's an admirable sight but he doesn't quite manage to succeed to the extent he and the audience would of liked.
Each of the characters feels as if they could have carried an entire film on there own and even in the lengthy running time of 2 and a half hours almost none get nearly enough screen time.
The shear amount of misused talent is staggering, I know Jackie Brown was primarily a comeback vehicle for Pam Grier, but you'd have thought Tarantino would have found a little more screen time for De Niro and Micheal Keaton and would have invested a fraction more of his time making them more developed than simple 2 dimensional ciphers. They really only seem to be there to fill out the steadily increasing list of amusing crime movie cliches.
Robert De Niro doesn't seem to have an ounce of heart in the performance, looking uncannily like an alcoholic, post sleigh crash Santa, speaking in mono syllables and really only showing a flicker of emotion about 30 seconds before his onscreen demise. Micheal Keaton does his best with what little he's given but permanently has the look of an over enthusiastic Labrador with bladder problems.
Bridget Fonda who's fantastic as the oopa loopa coloured beach bunny bitch is also massively under used.
QT has opted instead for focusing all his twitchy attentions on the three central protagonists and does this well incorporating a degree of character development, some of his classic dialogue and trademark direction style into their scenes.

Eye spy wasn't as fun as they'd remembered

And don't get me wrong there were many aspects of it that I enjoyed. Samuel L Jackson played his smoother than a aggressively exfoliated baby's arse, character word perfectly and I'm still shell shocked to discover that he didn't even get an Oscar nom for it.
The scene inwhich Ordeal walks his recently bailed out, associate to his car is one of the most memorable and  classically Tarantino moments of the entire film.
And the tentative and brilliantly realised relationship between Robert Foster's crushingly lonely bail bondsman and Pam Griers fiesty flight attendant is wonderful to watch, and both actors are equally brilliant.
The FUN-KEY, oh god i'm a loser, 70's soundtrack is absolutely great and I found myself re-watching the opening credits, a homage to the graduate, repeatedly purely to experience QT's fantastic direction but also for the painfully catchy song "Across 110th street".
Per usual in a Tarantino film it's an entertaining experience yet sadly the entire movie comes across as a rather hollow missed opportunity, with the potential to be so much more.
I'm sorry to break the glorious string of 8's but I feel it's my duty
6 out of 10 stars
feel free to post your comments and opinions below

Pulp Fiction: Royale with Cheese!

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QT's glorious second directorial outing is unashamedly similar to his ultra violent debut in a variety of ways.

The coffee shop, single shot opening has returned, the oh-so stylish direction has remained oh-so stylish, the dialogue is as fresh and inspired as ever and the ultra violence and steady flow of cursing are both still going strong with a constant barrage of bullets and f-bombs being fired at each of the protagonists... and thank god for that! 

In between QT's opening two feature lengths he's lost none of his originality and spark, with his hilarious dialogue as sharp and fresh as ever, managing to draw yet more unbelievable performances out of the cast and giving me even more reason to start spouting phrases like "performance of a lifetime" all over the place, like a cliched water fountain gone mad.  The narrative is slightly less structured this time around and the plot isn't quite as intricate as before, that is to say there isn't a plot at all, simply a series of lovingly crafted, hilariously surreal chapters, similar, that's right you guessed it, to a pulp fiction novel.

The Crap in the coffee gag hadn't gone down well

The pacing similar to that of reservoir dogs constantly changes tempo, randomly going up and down, like an Alzheimer's patient on a stair lift. But again the lack of plot and pacing consistency doesn't seem to matter in any way. The scenes seamlessly transition between an evangelical, bible quoting hit man to a 70's dance montage, and then to a nail shreddingly tense adrenaline injection scene without even giving you cause or concern over how you got there.

Tarantino combines snappily edited, close up shot sequences with lengthy wide angle camera shots of the fronts of houses and derelict motels to great, varied effect.

The gloriously witty dialogue once again brings the characters and set pieces to life providing the viewer with actually sympathetic and vaguely likable protagonists as opposed to the group of psychotic bastards in Reservoir dogs who were a little harder to root for. 
Another nice touch is the interconnecting story lines between each of the protagonists, with many of the characters stumbling into each others stories and either having little or huge effect on the various chapters.
Each of the "colourful" and well rounded characters are stereotypical caricatures, from the rapist, gimp keeping hillbilly to the menacing king pin, Marseillus, spouting lines like, "If Butch goes to Indo-China I wanna n###er hiding in a bowl of rice ready to pop a cap in his ass." But it's also this abandonment of realism which makes every chapter and character so fun to watch.
The two foremost, show stealing protagonists, Vincent and Jules are played gloriously by John Travolta and Samuel Jackson, each acting as the central performance in  every one of the films most iconic and memorable scenes. 

They had finally found their hair stylist

Lets just say Travolta assassinates all my doubts about his acting talent and Jackson kidnaps my heart and holds it to ransom with his biblical anecdote... well...that was...weird.

But the bottom line is this is Reservoir Dogs with a bigger budget, bigger set pieces and a wider range of more famous actors.

It may not be quite as good a film as Reservoir dogs but it's easily more entertaining. Comparing the two is almost like trying to find a comparison between FHM and the lovely bones, I may enjoy FHM more but the latter is considered to be a slightly better piece of literature, or at least that's my opinion.

In short Pulp Fiction is an overwhelmingly entertaining if slightly empty, moral wise, hilarious and flawlessly acted movie  from one of the most iconic directors of the 90's.

9/10 stars freakin awesome, one of the least thought provoking yet most enjoyable films i've ever seen.
Thanks for reading and feel free to post your comments and opinions below.

Reservoir Dogs: The Ground Breaking Heist movie minus the heist

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Quentin Tarantino's controversial debut, the critically acclaimed masterpiece goes one step further than to simply breath new life into the arthritic old man that was the heist movie genre, it slips him a viagra and slaps him on the ass.
The movie opens with "the dog's" sitting around a cramped table in a grimy coffee shop. QT introduces the film and the less than lovable characters with summa his classic organic feeling dialogue and stylistic direction, a single shot circling the table, we've all come to know and love. There's probably some political subtext or popculture references hidden amongst the dialogue as the "adorable" group of pyschopaths discuss waitress salaries and the true naught-ey message in Madge's "Like a Virgin" but I don't really care, all I know is that the first 9 minutes made up one of the most hilarious, coarse, eye opening(in Madonna's case) and enjoyable movie openings I have ever seen and set the tone for the remainder of the film.

Reservoir dogs, break neck changes of pace are so dramatic and sudden that they may just give you wiplash but surprisingly don't nessecerily effect the overall experience. Now usually it would be seen as a bad thing for a film to go from the speed of a steroid addicted freight train to the pace of a diabetic slug with breathing problems but Tarantino masterfully makes this work to his advantage.

The fight over the TV remote had got out of hand

The scene transition between the slow and lengthy pre-heist planning, the incredibly fast paced mid-heist antics, and the tension building post botched job shinanigans is utterly seemless and brilliant only adding to the impact and enjoyment of each scene.

The acting is fantastic, each cast member delivering a *cliche alert* performance of a lifetime injecting each of their scenes with an incredible amount of energy and making every one of them unique despite the almost indistinguishable, low budget sets. This especially applys, in my opinion, to Michael Madsen as Mr Blonde who out of the leads gets the least screen time but with it lends his character instant cult status combining so cool it hurts with so pyschotic its painful, literally. He also gets to deliver the most quoteable line of the whole film and is the centre of the most memorable scene, lets just say it involves ear amputation, a banging 70's soundtrack and a whole lot of gasoline... aaah christmas memories.

There was no denying the Strip Club had gone down hill

The violence is purposely over the top and ridiculous yet in most cases actually necessary, and if all pretentiousness and feeling over superiority are discarded at the door then it's genuinely a very enjoyable ride as long as you haven't eaten and aren't apposed to seeing a police man used as a human pinata.

My love for Reservoir Dogs was established after the first 5 minutes and it only went up hill from there, the performances were great, the story was simple yet brilliant, made only better by the genre twist and the direction was stylish and classic Tarantino, I'm giving it 8 out of 10 stars "bloody" brilliant.

Oh and to those that criticize it for its high degree of violence and profanity I ask you this, "Are you gonna bark all day little doggy or are you gonna bite?"... aaaah watch the film

Please post your comments and your opinions below and thank you for reading